"Running Commentary"
Cabin Fever
The day before yesterday? It snowed.
Everyone shoveled and dug out.
And then yesterday? It snowed again.
Everyone shoveled and dug out.
And now today? Yep. It’s snowing.
Once again, we will shovel and dig out.
Anyone with the IQ of an ice cube can see what’s happening here. It’s going to snow tomorrow. And it will likely snow again the day after tomorrow. And the day after that. And the day after that.
The winter snow gods think it’s funny.
While they’re laughing, we shovel.
Silly me, I was looking forward to the first snow of 2021. The second, third, fourth and fifth snowstorms? Not so much. Too much of a good thing. Be careful what you wish for; you might get it.
Until now, it’s been a rather placid and quiet winter. Storm after storm seemed to brush up on the very edge of North Central Kansas, only to skirt around us – as if the snow gods were teasing us. My girlfriend in Colorado had plenty of snow. I was jealous.
Well, that’s one skirt torn to shreds. I ain’t jealous no more. ENOUGH ALREADY! I’m getting sick and tired of shoveling my front walkway and the back deck.
Do I sound grumpy? Yeah, maybe I am. I think I have cabin fever. Everything is askew. I took my temperature and nothing registered – after all that shoveling, I’m frozen stiff, encased in a block of ice.
Not much point in going out when the roads are icy. And it’s too cold to take my dog for his daily walk. Boulder isn’t getting his normal exercise and he’s getting as rammy as I am. As I sit staring at the walls of our frozen abode, I notice something strange – the rooms are getting smaller; walls seem closer.
There is an unfortunate corollary that occurs when you have cabin fever and feel claustrophobic – you eat too much. Not because you’re hungry, but because you’re bored. I’ve already consumed my allotment of snacks scheduled for March and April.
Healthy foods? Forget it! You can have your Brussels sprouts. Pass me the chips and dip. Munch, crunch, munch.
Something else happens when you combine a pandemic with wintery weather – every day feels the same. Have you seen the film, “Groundhog Day?” One day after another – exactly the same.
I get up … let the dog out … make coffee … let the dog in … check email … snarf down a cinnamon roll … watch 10 minutes of “Morning Joe” … the dog goes out, turns around and comes back in … read two chapters of this week’s crime novel … let the dog out … fiddle with the NY Times crossword … is it lunchtime yet? … let the dog in … take a nap … let the dog out … read a few more chapters … watch Jeopardy and the news … practice piano … Boulder appears confused – in or out? … I eat a donut for dinner … put Boulder to bed … and mercifully dozzzzze off in the club chair … Zzzzzzzzzz
Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did your Wednesday go?
Well, it didn’t start off so great.
Brushing my teeth before breakfast, I looked up into the bathroom mirror and saw something frightening – a monster. Turns out it was my own reflection.
Scared me half to death.
My hair was standing on end as if I had been electrocuted. As if I had taken one too many Colorado “chill pills” and decided to take a bath with a plugged-in toaster oven.
You have to be careful with pills originating in Colorado.
I’m not in the habit of looking at myself in a mirror, and with good reason – I’m uglier than a mud-caked frog in a moat. Still holding out hope I’d be noticed by a beautiful princess. I’m so ugly even a desperate princess wouldn’t kiss my lips.
“OK, OK, I believe you. You’re a prince. I’m just not that desperate.”
That horrible monster in the mirror? He’s bleepin’ OLD.
And there’s not a darned thing I can do about it. Aging is inexorable and so are all the maladies that accompany it – loss of hearing, wrinkles, flabby skin, thinning hair, poor eyesight and a memory that long ago outlived its expiration date.
Small wonder old people get grouchy when it snows three straight days. I have a bad case of the winter blahs, and this time the solstice joke is on me. I’ve always said that December 21st is my favorite day of the year – the Winter Solstice. Every day thereafter gets a little longer and brighter, right? The change is imperceptible day to day – but change begins after the solstice.
When it was minus five degrees outside, I could always make my mother laugh telling her it was warmer and lighter than the day before. “Yeah, right!”
Meanwhile, there is one local denizen that is having a great time in the snow – Boulder McGraw. The first time out, he didn’t know what to make of it. What the HECK is this white stuff? After that introduction, it was pure fun frolicking in the white powder. Boulder flies off the back deck and tears around the yard at breakneck speed, kicking up snow as he runs in circles.
Boulder is having fun.
I’m having a donut.
Michael welcomes reader comments: Rmykl@yahoo.com