"Running Commentary"

No Regrets

    I’m feeling pensive tonight.
    Looking for humor? Try the funny pages.
Facing my weekly deadline, I’m barricaded in the study with an unlimited supply of cashews, a bottle of red wine and a dripping candle. Fasten your seatbelt; the road may get bumpy.
Today’s Question:  What do you regret in life?
Today’s Advice:  Let those regrets go. Get a big eraser and wipe your emotional blackboard clean – don’t get bogged down regretting things you did or decisions you made. Why? It’s really quite simple – what’s past is past. You can’t go back. Hopefully, we can learn from mistakes we’ve made, but there’s no magical time machine to take us back. Let your regrets go.
The Greek chorus:  “Easier said than done.”
In his iconic song “My Way,” Frank Sinatra crooned, “Regrets, I’ve had a few. But then again, too few to mention.” I heard the song today and it got me thinking –a dangerous enterprise with my pea-sized withered gray matter.
    We all have regrets in our lives, don’t we? It’s basic human nature to look back with 20/20 hindsight and see the consequences that resulted from decisions we made. There’s a strong urge to play the game of “woulda, coulda, shoulda.” We’ve all done it.
    If only I had done this … I wish I hadn’t done that.
    How clear things look in our rear view mirrors.
    I’ll wager you a phony silver dollar that most of the regrets we harbor involve family and interpersonal relationships. Especially people closest to us.
    You want an object lesson, why regrets are wasted energy? Consider my inane decision begin living with someone within days of our first date – Ms. Omaha, Edition 2013. We got married a year later, confident that we were smarter than everyone else. We would prove all the doubters wrong.
    I had waited 20 years for that marriage. Had lots of girlfriends and plenty of opportunities … but waited patiently for “Ms. Right.” I was certain I would know her when I met her. If I were to marry again, I had to be 100% positive about the relationship.
    So, how did that work out? Six years later, Mr. Impulsive and Ms. Right divorced. But here’s what’s ironic – I don’t regret marrying her.  Despite the problems – my ex suffered from bipolar disorder and was prone to screaming when she got mad – despite that, most of those six years together were happy, filled with love and sweet companionship. Another reason I don’t regret that marriage is that I’m in a much better place today without her. Every which way – emotionally, physically and financially. She did me a favor by divorcing me.
    What I do regret is the fallout and consequences that flow from the divorce. I not only lost a wife, I lost a family I cared about very deeply.  I adored her parents, and they loved me back. That’s a big thorn in my side, but I have to let those feelings go … there’s nothing I can do to change old history. It’s beyond my control. I can’t go back.
    Far better we concentrate on today and the future.
    I’m a two time loser in marriage. The first divorce was my decision. Do I harbor regrets about that marriage?  You betcha. Lots of regrets, including my refusal to try marital counseling. I wish I had tried harder and been a better husband.
    However, I don’t let those regrets define me. I moved on with my life because consequences that flowed from my decision can’t be changed. The divorce is a life failure I have to accept because I can’t go back. There are no makeovers and do-overs once you’ve moved on with your life. What’s done is done.
    Last one – my father and mother married right out of high school. He was a handsome man who had everything going for him – good looks and a bright future. Eight years later he was an alcoholic, a philanderer, and lousy father. For all those reasons, my mother divorced him.
    That story had a happy ending. Mother remarried on my fourth birthday and was happily married to my stepfather for 52 years. I grew up in a functional and happy family with a wonderful father figure in my life – my Dad. The only father I ever knew.
    Conversely, my real father’s mother – my grandmother-- lived the rest of her life consumed with anger and bitterness over her son’s failures. She never forgave him, and that bitterness defined the rest of her life. She was a woman consumed by what-ifs and regrets. I can’t say she was ever happy or recovered from her son’s miserable life. She lived in the past. It was so terribly sad.
    Looking back, I’m sure my mother might have questioned whether it was wise to marry right out of high school; but again, that brings us back to the age old question – how can anyone regret even a bad marriage that produced three wonderful children? Without which, my sister, brother and I would not exist. And despite all our faults, we were indeed the brightest lights in Mother’s life.
    Regrets? I’ve had a few, but then again …
    No others worth mentioning.

Note: Mark your calendars! On September 25th Concordia will host a huge airshow at Blosser Municipal Airport, dedicating the new runway. Aerobatics, exhibits and food. Free admission. Fun for the entire family.