"Running Commentary"

Birthday Boy

    October 27.
    Today I celebrate 75 years on the planet.
    (STUDIO AUDIENCE SIGN: “APPLAUSE!!”)
    Thank you. Thank you for those warm sentiments. However, I am not worthy. All I did to deserve your accolades was to eat, drink and be merry. But here’s a little Friday tidbit to chew on …
    This is actually my second birthday. Yesterday, I celebrated my first. That’s right, I have two birthdays. It all goes back to 1946 in San Francisco, when a tired and sleepy obstetrician put the wrong date on my birth certificate. That seemingly insignificant and little faux pas has created havoc my entire life. True!  
    Mother always told me my birth certificate is wrong, and she should know because she was there when I was delivered. Well, that should settle the issue. The correct birthday is October 26. The California Motor Vehicles Dept. agreed, and that’s the date I had on my very first driver’s license.
Mother wins. End of the story, right?
    Wrong. The U.S. State Department has me listed as October 27th – that’s the date listed on my passport. Think about that – I have to lie every time I travel. Meanwhile, Social Security insists Mother was right and the State Dept. is wrong – I was indeed born on the 26th. Ah, but wait -- my Colorado driver’s license says it’s the 27th.
    Confused? Me toooo!
On and on it goes. I’m a living, breathing contradiction, unsure whether I’m coming or going. But not to worry. It’s special to have two birthdays – I can celebrate both days.  
Confusion reigns when I’m asked the standard security question: “What is the date of your birth.” I almost always get it wrong, and the person asking that question surely raises an eyebrow or two, as in, “This guy doesn’t know when he was born? Seriously?” I waste five minutes explaining the quagmire to someone in the Philippines and still come across looking like a bleepin’ idiot.  
Let’s move on …
What’s happening today on my 2nd birthday? Well, it’s laundry day. And doing laundry should be a much easier task than figuring out the date of my birth, right? Not so fast! It wasn’t until everything was loaded into the dryer that I realized I had the wrong receptacle – the dirty clothes hadn’t been washed yet. Ooops!
At least I didn’t pour detergent into the dryer.
Half an hour later, I went back to check on the clothes. How odd – they were still dry. And anyone with an IQ over 50 should know why – I had forgotten to push the button that says, “Start.”
See? You turn 75 and lose your friggin’ mind.
Notwithstanding all that, it’s been a great day on the home front. And here I’ll give a little shout-out to Complete Lawn Care in Concordia. Aaron Wachsnicht and his crew poured 10 tons of gravel in the parking area outside my house. What a relief! No more mud tracked into the house.
And the celebrations continue. Yesterday I got a pedicure at Fusions Salon on W. 6th St. Abbie Seifert did a great job nursing my tired feet back to health. Pedicures are God’s gift to tired feet. Mostly, I wanted the foot massage … Aaaaaaah!
Was I tempted to get my nails painted bright red? I’ll answer that with a resounding, “Noooo!” But if a friend made a bet with me that I’d never paint my toes? It would be tempting. Just to win the bet, of course. You could get away with it in winter – nobody sees your naked toes. I laugh at the thought. I’m due for another pedicure in six weeks. I’ll get back to you.
Meanwhile, another celebratory event on my first birthday – yesterday. There’s a new yoga studio in town – the Traveling Yogi on 6th St. I have several lady friends who go regularly and they encouraged me to give yoga a try. They know me – I’m as flexible as a petrified rock.
Naturally, I signed on for 10 classes.
How did it go? Well, next time you buy a bag of pretzels, take one out and inspect it carefully. Now, break that pretzel into three pieces. That’s pretty much the way I felt after my first session. I didn’t crack, but I certainly twisted and contorted my body into some interesting positions. Will I ever go back? Oh, heck yeah! Nothing beats imitating a pretzel. It can only go up from here.
And my bestest celebration of all was when I went to the football stadium and ran on the track. Regular readers may remember I recently had a really bad blood clot which shut everything down while I took blood thinners. That’s gone now, and I’m returning to running and losing weight. I didn’t run far and my pace was the equivalent of a mollusk on crutches. But I did it! The kid is BACK.
    Several weeks ago my youngest daughter Sara sent me a Father’s Day card. She found it under a stack of paperwork and realized she had never sent it. In the card, Sara said she appreciated my willingness to try new things, and that she admired me for being young at heart. A very sweet note.
    I think what she said is true. But then, what do I know?
    I’m not even sure of my date of birth.
                                            

Note: Show and tell time, class. Operation Assault, Ed. 2.0 continues  I’ve lost 11 lbs. in only 14 days – I’m down to 204. Can 199 be far behind? Stay tuned.  Rmykl@yahoo.com