"Running Commentary"

Procrastination Delayed
Do you procrastinate?
I do. Virtually every day.
Procrastination is a subject I’ve wanted to write about for a long, long time. But, like a lot of other things over the years, I just never got around to it.
It’s easy to procrastinate when you’re retired. At my age, there isn’t much I can’t put off until tomorrow … or the next day … or … mmmmaybe next week. Eventually, things catch up to you; but meanwhile, you glow in the knowledge you aren’t drop-dead obligated to do anything that particular day. And so, you don’t.
Procrastination?
It’s like summertime … and the livin’ is easy!
What brought all this to mind? Well, it’s Thursday, again, and my copy is due, again, at the newspaper. And to be totally honest – I haven’t written one bleepin’ word. Nada!  Regrettably, this happens more often than what you might think, given the sophisticated, artful, deep, and mind-bending subjects you’re accustomed to reading here.
As Thursday approaches, that necktie noose gets tighter and tighter. Like right now. But I always get the (ahem!) hang of … well, something!
My daughter just called and asked what my column was about this week. Says me, “Ah dunno.” “Whaddya mean,” asks Sara. “Isn’t it due today?” Says I: “Yep.”
Never, never lie to your children.
They see right through you.
Will I get something out today? Oh, sure. Eventually. Might not be pretty, might not be elegant, scholarly, worthwhile, heartfelt, funny or even interesting – but I always submit something.
Every Thursday I cringe checking email. Soon, Dixie will shoot me a note. “WHAT’S UP, POOPIE? WHERE IS IT?” Dixie is responsible for the newspaper’s layout. And you may have noticed, she never met a CAPITAL LETTER she didn’t like. She calls me Poopie because I often say, “That’s the poop, the whole poop, and nothing but the poop.”
I have two dogs. I know what the bleepin’ poop is.
OK, here’s the god-forsaken truth – I had ALL WEEK to think of something to write. I should have started sooner but I wasn’t in the mood. And here’s something you might not know – creative writing is just like good sex. It’s more fun when you’re in the mood.  
Didn’t know that, didja?
I have no excuses. I often find other things to do that seemed more essential than trying to be creative. Especially when I had absolutely nothing worth sharing. Last night I just stared impassively at my laptop and said, “Not tonight, Babe.  I’m not in the mood.”
Yes, sometimes I converse with my laptop. Get over it!
It’s amazing how many things I find to do that aren’t on my To Do list. It’s as if every day revolves around two opposing and irresistible forces – things I should be doing … and things I want to do. It isn’t a fair fight.
The key word in procrastinating is, “Mañana!” Did you know there’s actually a song with that title? “Mañana, mañana … Mañana is good enough for me.” The lyrics are a hoot.
Sooo … there’s that.
Mañana is a very useful tool to get you off the hook. At least … until tomorrow, at which time you reserve the right to skip over everything you didn’t do today. Mañana becomes one of your very favorite words. It ranks high in my lexicon.
I’ve spent a considerable amount of time studying procrastination – often when I could have been doing something more useful. Here’s how it works – everyone has a  To Do list, right? You should check your list first thing each morning because you don’t want to miss anything important. I start almost every day intensely studying my To Do list.
Your To Do list looks really impressive – on paper. But here’s the proverbial deal – it’s much easier to make such a list than it is to actually cross something off it. Trust me! I know.
Making To Do lists is one of my favorite things to do. I’m good at it too. Sometimes I even throw out the old To Do list and start all over with a new list – another example of my creative drive. It’s nice to work off of clean copy. I’m always in the mood to create To Do lists.
I write “TO DO” in big letters at the top of the page, underlined, of course, and then list a bunch of numbers below. I then list all the things that are important in descending order of critical need. If the list becomes frightfully long? Take some items off. Also – push really scary items ahead a few days. Same thing when there’s carryover from previous weeks – move it down the line.
Procrastinators are expert movers.    
Talk about opposites attracting! Years ago, I dated a woman who was obsessive about doing things promptly. She did everything on her To Do list almost immediately. Susan’s desk was clean; her filing system pristine. We were doomed.
Even before we were in the mood.
If God in heaven rewards organization, Susan will have a front row seat. By contrast, if I make it into heaven – and that’s certainly not a given – I’ll likely be sitting in the back row with an obstructed view … right behind a large pillar. Being thankful for having survived the cut.
God knows I have good intentions. But wait! An adage teaches us that it’s the road to hell that’s paved with good intentions. Hell, not heaven. Oh, dear Lord …
I’m halfway there!  

Note:  Michael welcomes reader comments:  Rmyklo@gmail.com