"Running Commentary"

Killing Me Softly

    Help!
Steve Richard is trying to kill me.
Perhaps you know Mr. Richard? He’s the otherwise respected and retired Southwest Airlines pilot, who has a farm outside of town with his lovely wife Jane. Steve served honorably in the U.S. Air Force Reserve as a Lt. Colonel. If you don’t know him, Steve Richard reeks of respectability. A proverbial mover and shaker. Everyone likes him.
Well … almost everyone.
My journey toward murderous extinction began when I heard there was an opening in town for the Airport Advisory Board, which monitors and makes recommendations regarding the municipal airport. Blosser Municipal Airport is an important arm of the city of Concordia.
What the heck! I’m retired. I have all the time in the world. Why not get involved with a worthy board of directors and see if I can contribute? I applied.
Thus were the seeds of my destruction sown. Care to guess who serves as chairman of the Airport Advisory Board? You got it – him!
Soon enough, I got a text message from Richard. He heard about my application and wondered if I would like to accompany him on a ride in his beautiful airplane. I love airplanes – it was one of the reasons I applied. In a nanosecond I responded …
“Are you kidding? Absolutely! I’d love to.”
Little did I know of the potential danger – Richard could have banked hard right and that would have been the end of your favorite newspaper columnist. But no, Lt. Col. Richard was more devious than that. He had bigger plans for taking me down.
Once aloft, we talked about the airport board and Steve began to assess whether I would be a good fit. Little did I know I was being seduced for the kill, like an innocent moth flying into the spider’s web.
Surprise, surprise – I was selected to be on the Airport Advisory Board. Guess who recommended me. Yep. Him again!
At the first meeting of the board I learned about the Airshow 2021, scheduled on the day of the annual Fall Fest in Concordia. A committee list was drawn up, and with my background as the president of a chamber of commerce, I was appointed to head up the marketing committee – getting the word out about the big event.
Right up my proverbial alley – I have a lot of experience in marketing. The only other member of my committee was Ms. Nicki Reed who works at CloudCorp, the economic development arm of Cloud County. And that’s where I lucked out – Nicki has experience in graphic design and she came up with a logo for the event and took care of various social media outlets. Nice!
She did most of the work. I got most of the credit.
Prior to the airshow, Richard and I were needed to transport tables and chairs from the Cloud County Office of Tourism over to the airport. How many chairs and tables? It seemed like thousands, but the actual number doesn’t matter. What’s important to know is I’m not used to doing manual labor.
Why do you think I went to law school?
Exactly! So I didn’t have to do manual labor.
And here is a bit of advice for anyone considering community service by joining a board of directors. If you are retired, when it comes time to load and unload chairs and tables? YOU will have to do it. Why? Everyone else has a job.
You’re retired! YOU have no excuses.
One day later, Chairman Richard asked if I would be able to help him with some signage out by the entrance to the Airport? I was dead tired from yesterday, but that was a lame excuse. And so, we spent two hours under the hot, blazing sun putting up signage.
That’s when I first began to suspect something.
Something nefarious – he’s trying to kill me.
Please try to understand. I’m old. I’ll be 75 next month. And how odd is this – I’m exactly two weeks older than Steve Richard. You would think such an esteemed local citizen would have more respect for his elders. But no, Steve attempted to put the final nails in my coffin.
After the airshow, we went back to the airport hangar. Remember those thousands of chairs and tables? We proceeded to load them back into our trucks … and promptly unloaded them back at the tourism office. We also went back and took DOWN all the signage for the airshow. Yes, once again under a scorching sun.
Total hours in manual labor that day? Six!
The following day I sent Richard a text message. I quote it verbatim: “Not intending to sound rude, but I ain’t lifting my little finger for you today. Yesterday, you nearly killed me. It’s time you learned to respect your elders.”
It is now one week later. And my frail body has almost recovered from the trauma of hard manual labor. Almost. Perhaps you noticed that Mr. Richard worked every bit as hard as I did each day that we worked together. Perhaps you think he’s better and stronger than me? Nah.
I have an alternate theory.
I think he’s suicidal.

Note:  Airshow 2021 was a spectacular success. Thanks goes to the entire Airport Advisory Board – every member of the board contributed. Thanks also to the City of Concordia, and CloudCorp, as well as the Blade-Empire and KNCK. My good friend Steve Richard and I estimated 2,000-3,000 people attended the airshow.